ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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