plz talk dirty to me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
