And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
