What a fucking waste of an outfit
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
