Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
