So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
