in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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