Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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