Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My pussy is not your playground.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
