im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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