So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
