The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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