you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
