I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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