I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
