I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize