Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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