Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
