did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
