ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
