When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
