im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
