remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
