stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
