is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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