i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
