it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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