You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
