She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
