Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
