I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
