I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
