Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
