Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
being pregnant is like rehab
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
