Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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