If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
