Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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