yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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