I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
