Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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