you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
