YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
