It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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