Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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