I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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