seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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