I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
