I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize