I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
