He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
COCAINE IS GR8
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
