he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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