I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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