Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
