Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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