I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
