Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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