I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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