i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
