Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize