If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
