this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
