well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
