So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
