Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
