On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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