Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
