Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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