he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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