Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
