where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
