Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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