Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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