i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
