Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
