so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
