I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
