you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize