I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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