He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
