literally had 100 drinks last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
