My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i now understand why vodka
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Congratulations! We have a period
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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