i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
