I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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