Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
