I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Plan B is the new Plan A
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
