Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize