so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
