Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
