She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
