i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
