evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
